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Garrison Fail Commander

Lord, what fools these immortals be.

I’m a little embarrassed.

I was in a hurry when I arrived on Draenor and built my Garrison on low ground. It is down hill and an easy mark for any roving band. Everyone knows that you build a castle on a hill, higher ground and all that defensive stuff. Not me, I didn’t even put up a gate, moat or drawbridge.

The invasions take place inside my Garrison, shameful I know. I am a horrible commander, I put my bank right by the front door! Any wise king would put all that gold down in the basement of the Town Hall. I don’t even have a basement! I tried to order some Siege Cannons from Thogar but he seems to be having problems with his trains these days.

It’s not just that I suck at defending my Garrison, all the invasions are inside, I spend most of my day getting drunk with Pat Nagle and fishing the afternoon away. He doesn’t know that I’ve been stacking Leech and am enjoying his fine stock of booze.

I’m putting on weight from all this drinking. It all started in Pandaria and not listening to my Master Cho. He kept saying “slow down” when I was chugging a Pandarian Stout. Now, it is a daily thing with Nat Pagle. One time, I caught a squid and knew it’d be hilarious to wear it as a hat! The suckers on the tentacles pulled out my hair and I have red splotches on my head. I’m now a fat, drunk and bald hero with no where to go.

I’m ashamed to say that I’ve become a bit of a tyrant. I bang on my mission table, “more gold”! I’m soaking this planet and my greed is making me rich. Even though I don’t have to leave my Garrison.

I learned a new recipe and it’s addicting. It’s called Sleeper Sushi. I can fish it up right next to Pat Nagle in my Garrison. Its not like I’m going anywhere. It claims to offer 25 more Mastery than a Savage Feast. Since I’m eating for one, that’s good. But it seems to add plus 25 pounds to my ass.

Pepe tells me that we’ll be invading the Tanaan Jungle next. But it is months away. There is no hurry, I’ll just hang out in my Garrison again tomorrow. Bald, fat, drunk and slowly getting rich. Yesterday I put on my x-ray gnomish glasses to check out the guards.

They call me King Leer behind my back.

Old Commander Wrathsome
Thought he was handsome
Sat in his Garrison all day.
And on occasion
Fought an Invasion
Then fished the day away.
With Pat he’ll be fishing
Followers on a gold mission
Lets enjoy another pay day.
Old Commander Wrathsome
Thought he was handsome
Sat in his Garrison all day.


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