“Life’s a pitch and then you buy.”
In 1955, doctors said that a growing body needed four glasses of whole milk a day. It sold a LOT of milk. It’s for the children!
In 1995, doctors said that we needed eight sixteen-ounces of water every day for a healthy body. It sold a LOT of plastic bottles. We polluted our oceans forever!
In 2015, doctors said we needed 10,000 steps a day to be healthy. It sold a LOT of Fitbits! It’s for our health, no cost is too high!
Today, Wrathsome Enterprises is announcing to the newest integrated health system for gamers everywhere:
Twitchbit will record your twitches as you raid, counting those burning calories. Doctors approve, we paid them!
This new cosmos-breaking tech is now in partnership with AMR. Let your raid team see you top the charts and max the Twitch-o-Meter! For a small monthly subscription fee; sign into AMR today, today, today.
Down that dragon with 20,000 twitches. Your wife will say, “Honey, play MORE World of Warcraft!” Your hubby will say, “Now THAT is a WoW butt!” The more you play, the more you rack up twitches!
This is more than a device. This is a system! It is for your own good, your own health; buy one today. Buy one each for your family. It’s for the children!
But wait, there’s more! For only fifteen dollars more, you can get the Twitchbit Mobile App. Track those precious twitches as you tear through a pint of Ben and Jerrys or that bag of Crunchy Cheet-o’s!
You’ll applaud when you get your Twitchbit!
Side Effects include: HFC, Epeen, Achievitits.